Starring Andy Griffith...
With Ronny Howard.
Also starring Don knotts.
Yeah, boy.
They were really bitin' out there today.
Good. Best I've seen them this year.
You get back now as quick as you can, you hear?
Andy, there is a good chance I'll be able to get down
sometime again next month.
Is it okay if I bring a couple of cronies from my club along?
Oh, by all means.
Bring anybody you want to. Glad to have 'em.
Wonderful. You know what I'd like to do?
I'd like to repay some of this mayberry hospitality.
You get up to state capital very often?
Every now and then.
I'd like to put you up for membership in our club...
The esquire club.
Well, now, the esquire club.
How about that?
Yeah.
'Course, now, whenever I do go up to the capital
I generally bring my deputy Barney Fife along.
Well, fine, bring him along. I've never met him
but if he's your deputy, that's good enough for us.
You're free Thursday night?
Thursday... Thursday...
Yeah. Yeah, we're free Thursday.
Plan on coming up for dinner, say around 8:00.
You and Barney can meet the membership committee
and y'all kinda get acquainted.
Well, that's neighborly.
That's fine. We'll do that.
We'll count on it, Andy.
Okay, Roger. We'll see ya. Drive careful now.
Okay.
Barn?
Hi, Andy.
Oh, hi, Barn.
How was the fishin'?
Fine, fine, fine.
How's everything around here?
Busy, busy, busy.
Busy doing what?
Oh, different things.
Well, what?
Oh, the phone, the mail, filing, cleaning up...
The phone...
Taking out the trash.
Seems like that trash gets heavier every week.
Some people comin' in and out.
What people?
Oh, first one and then another.
You, uh... You didn't get a chance
to fix that stop sign down on elm street.
No, no, I didn't get a chance to do that.
I was so busy. I'll do that right now.
Did you forget something, Barn?
No, no.
Barney?
Lookin' for these?
Oh, you're a clown, you are.
Why don't you put a red light on your nose
and go in the circus?
Oh, Barney, I don't care
if you take a nap once in a while.
I was just pickin' at ya.
You're a regular Felix the cat, you are.
I'll tell you one thing...
I hope you got a better sense of humor Thursday night.
We got a little invitation
to come and visit the esquire club.
What was that you said about the esquire club
Thursday night?
Yeah. This fella I go fishin' with...
Roger Courtney... he belongs
and he invited us to come up there.
The esquire club?
That's right.
You're kidding.
No.
The... The esquire club?
Well, Andy, that's-that's one of the fanciest clubs around.
They want us to be there Thursday night at 8:00.
You think you can make it?
Oh, Andy.
This could be the beginning of a whole new life for us...
Social contacts...
And think of the business contacts.
Well, considering the line of work we're in
I don't know how many folks would wanna do business with us.
You know what I mean... contacts.
That's a big thing in clubs... contacts.
Well, I got to go out and do a little patrolling.
I can hardly wait till Thursday night.
Yeah. It'll be fun.
The esquire club.
That's really a highfalutin club!
Yeah, I guess so.
You comin'?
Uh, well, uh...
I think I'll drop in the barber shop.
I want to check up on something.
Check up on what?
Uh, it'll only take a minute. Come on.
All right.
Yeah. He moved to Kansas City.
Hi, fellas.
Hi, boys.
Floyd, jud, how are ya?
Fine, fine.
Floyd, I just, uh...
I just dropped in to check up on something.
Yeah?
Our lodge meeting...
Is it on Thursday night or Friday night?
Huh?
You know we've been meeting on Friday nights
for the last six years.
Well, I just wanted
to make sure it wasn't changed.
I wanted to make sure
it didn't conflict with my other club meeting.
You see, my other club meeting's on Thursday night.
Good. How was the fishin', Andy?
Fine, Floyd. Fine, fine.
My other club's up at the state capital.
What'd you catch?
Mess of trout; Couple of catfish.
This other club of mine's right up there
at the ol' state capital.
Up at the state capital?
That's right.
They got a barbershop up there
that's a five-chair.
Maybe someday
I might go into business up there myself.
Well, now, what's wrong
with my wanting a shop up at the state capital?
There's nothing wrong with a little ambition.
I could start out with a two-chair.
Floyd, ask Barney
the name of this club before he has a spell.
If he'd have wanted me to know the name
of this club, he'd have told me.
I ain't one to pry.
You ain't one to pry?
You're always asking me when I'm gonna get married
and how much I send my mother every month.
Well, I've stopped being nosy.
I've reformed.
Well, couldn't you be nosy just once more
before you reform?
All right. What's the name of the club?
The esquire club.
Hmm. Esquire club.
Oh, I've heard of that.
Me, too. Pretty ritzy.
We're joining up, Andy and me.
You, too, Andy?
How'd you swing it?
This fella, Roger Courtney...
He comes down and we fish together
and he lives up there at the capital
and he asked us to come up there to see him.
Roger Courtney. He belongs?
Yeah. Rog is one of us.
Oh, he's class. He's real...
Oh, I tell you.
You know, he came in for a haircut.
You know what?
What?
He asked me to give him a haircut
that didn't look like a haircut.
Imagine getting a haircut
and didn't want anybody else to know about it.
That's the kind of members we got.
Oh, he's real class.
Well, I guess I'll go on down
to the filling station
and tell everybody about it.
Tell everybody about what?
About you and Andy going up to the state capital
and joinin' up in this here club.
You don't mind, do you?
Oh, no, no. No.
I mean, not if it comes up in conversation.
I don't know what all the to-do's about.
A club's a club.
That's the esquire club.
Yeah. I'll remember.
Bye, jud.
I'll see ya, jud.
Well, I'd better be moseyin' along myself.
Oh, but, Andy...
Huh?
If you and Barney are going up to state capital
who's gonna be mindin' the jailhouse?
Oh, I expect it'll just be Otis
comin' by with a snootful.
Here. I'll leave a note on the door
and tell him you got the key.
Oh, all right.
I'll see ya, fella esquirian.
Barney, uh, before you start taking out
an ad in the paper about us being members
we ain't officially in yet.
We're just going up there to look around
and meet the membership committee.
Oh, Andy, that's just a formality... routine.
Well, it could be they might look us over and not want us.
Now you're being downright silly.
Well...
I'll see ya, Floyd.
Bye, Andy.
Well, Barn, boy
you're really gettin' up
in the world, aren't ya?
Seems to me
you're doing...
What's the matter?
You know, what he said may not be so silly at that.
Well, what do you mean?
About them maybe not wanting us.
Oh, you got nothin' to worry about.
Oh, no. It ain't me
I'm worried about.
It's Andy.
Andy?
Yeah. Andy could use a little polishin'
and I guess it's gonna be up to me
to go to work on him.
You want me to talk about what?
Andy, we got to make an impression
at the esquire club.
We got to talk about big, important things.
Got to talk about our stocks and our bonds and stuff.
We ain't got any stocks and bonds.
In fact, we ain't even got any stuff.
We know we ain't got any stocks and bonds
but there ain't no reason for them to know it.
But pretending we have...
Ain't that kinda like lying?
Well, all we got to do is just to say something
like, "well, I see U.S. steel went up three points"
and look happy about it
and they'll think we got it
but that ain't lying.
Well, no, maybe not, but I want you to know
you can't get much closer to it.
Andy, I know what these fellas
are gonna expect out of us.
Barney, don't you think
we'd be better off being ourselves
and forget about puttin' on?
No. Now, look, Andy, it ain't gonna hurt
to try to make an impression...
You know, to put our best foot forward
because, don't forget now, this is a number one club.
It's a... it's an important club.
Yeah, well, I guess so.
Just think, Andy.
Today, a couple of unknown boys
in a small-town sheriff's office...
Tomorrow night, members of the esquire club.
We ain't in it.
We will be. We will be.
Well, what makes you so sure?
'Cause we're the esquire types.
Andy, your coat is ready.
Got it all pressed.
Be right down, aunt bee.
You do your homework?
Yes, ma'am. All done.
Not bad, I think, now.
Okay. You sure do look handsome, paw.
Why, thank you, son.
There gonna be any girls there?
No, just fellas.
Then what's all the fuss about?
You know, that's something I've been asking myself
ever since this whole thing come up.
Now, Andy, Bonnie tells me it's pretty important
joining this club, and besides, it doesn't hurt you
to get dressed up once in a while.
Now, remember, aunt bee, we're not going up there
to necessarily join.
We're just going up to visit.
Well, Barney, come on in, come on in.
Wow!
Isn't somebody gonna say something?
I think "wow" does it for us all.
I don't hardly know you, Barney.
Yeah, you look good enough to take to the fireworks display.
They done had me thinking I was handsome before you come in.
Oh, well, we're different types.
I guess we better get going, huh?
I guess, well...
Bye, paw, have a good time.
Bye, Andy. Now, wait!
Step out with your right foot so it'll all go well.
Oh, all right. Ready? Here we go.
Whoa!
Hi.
You hooked.
No, I don't care for anything.
Fellas, how about a drink?
I will have a drink out of his bottle, please...
His private stock.
Oh, excuse me. Oh, okay.
Well, Andy, it's good to see you.
Hiya, Roger. Glad to see ya.
I'd like you to meet my deputy Barney Fife.
Barney, it's nice to meet you.
Please, come in.
It's a nice place you got here, rog.
Well, thank you.
Oh, I'd like you to meet some of our members.
Uh, John danby
and George Bronson
this is Barney Fife and Andy Taylor.
Howdy.
How are you? Hello, Andy.
Glad to see you, sir.
Well, Roger tells me
you gentlemen are from mayberry.
That's right... mayberry.
That's right.
Well, I see U.S. steel
went up two and a half today.
Of course, consolidated industries
took a slight dip... Off an eighth.
That's very interesting.
Yes, it is, isn't it?
Well, if you'll excuse us
I'd like them to meet some other members.
Yeah. That's what we're here for...
To have a little look-see.
Good day, gentlemen.
Fellas, I hate to break up this golf lesson
but I'd like you to meet some friends of mine.
Barney Fife, this is cliff britain
Tom Wilson hello, Tom.
And Jim baker. Hi, Barney.
This is Andy Taylor.
Cliff britain
Tom Wilson Mr. Wilson
and Jim baker.
Mr. Baker, how are ya?
Oh, golf, huh?
Yeah.
Well, what do you shoot, Tom?
Oh, low 80s.
Oh, that's not too bad.
How 'bout you, Jim?
95, 96.
And he's teachin' you how to play?
Why you oughta be takin' lessons from him.
Then you'd be shootin' up in the 90s
maybe even hit 100.
Yeah.
Well, look, before dinner
I'd like to show you fellas the club trophy room.
Yeah. Next to huntin' there's nothin' I like better
than a good game of golf out on the links.
This is good, Roger. What is this?
Uh, it's baked Alaska.
I don't believe I've ever heard of it.
Uh, sure you have, Andy. Uh, you just forgot.
Uh, th-that's baked Alaska.
It's that new dessert
that come out since it become a state.
Well, this certainly is an experience for us
to come up here and visit like this.
Good supper.
Glad to have you.
Thank you for having us.
Good-bye, Andy.
Yes, sirree, and now that we know
where you are, why, we won't be strangers.
Well, I'll just see you fellas to the door.
Okay.
Thank you again. We enjoyed it.
Sounds like you and Barney had yourself
a high old time.
Oh, it was nice. Beautiful place.
Well, are you going to join?
I don't know.
I don't care one way or the other.
Barney, he's the one.
He's about to have a fit to get in.
Pa, did you have to give some kind of password
or secret sign to get into the club?
No, no. They just opened the door,
and we walked in.
When you join up, are you gonna get
a sweater and cap with "esquire" on it?
I don't think so.
Hmm.
Don't sound like much of a club to me.
Did you get the call yet? Did they call?
For heaven sakes, you come in
like you're raidin' the place.
Did they call? Are we members?
Just relax, Barney. This is just another club.
You're makin' too much out of this.
Too much?! This is the esquire club.
Oh, I'm sorry. Good mornin', aunt bee.
The way I figure it
they voted right after we left.
Now, why ain't they called?
Barney, these things take time.
Now, the best thing is to forget it
and wait till you hear from them.
Yeah. That's right. Andy, the best thing
is forget it and wait till we hear from them.
Relax. Think about somethin' else.
That's right. Think about somethin' else.
After all, it won't be a tragedy
if we don't get in, will it?
Don't get in?!
What are you talkin' about?
We'll let it ring one more time.
That way, it won't look like we're so anxious.
Sarah?
Did you have a call through to this number?
Well, put it through, for heaven sakes.
Hello?
Hello, miss Simms.
It's for you, aunt bee.
Hello, Marie.
Yes.
Yes?
You don't say.
At a time like this...
Miss Simms... the biggest blabbermouth in town.
Relax, Barney.
Remember, we're supposed to relax.
She could keep this line tied up for hours.
You want to tell her you'll call her back, aunt bee.
Oh, Marie, may I call you back?
I, uh...
I've got some cherry popovers in the oven.
Oh, sure, they turn out nice and fluffy.
Well, th-the secret is in the batter, Marie.
Sure, I'll give it to you.
You take a pound of cherries...
I'll give you the recipe when I call you back, Marie.
Bye.
Let me see if Opie's gone off to school.
Hello, Sarah? This is Barney Fife.
Will you keep the line open here?
I'm expecting an important call from the state capital.
Well, it's kind of official.
Right.
Barney, ain't you forgettin'
the school crossin' this mornin'?
Of all mornings!
You cover the school crossin'.
I'll let you know when I hear anything.
I keep tellin' you
we oughta have a telephone in that squad car.
When are we gonna get modern around here?
Well, Andy... Hi, Andy.
Well, Roger, Mr. Wilson.
Hey, this is a surprise.
We're just driving up to Tom's place
and thought we'd drop by.
Uh-huh. Well, I'm glad you did.
Yeah. Uh...
Andy, about last night.
Oh, Andy, I want you to know
the boys all enjoyed meeting you.
They enjoyed talking to you.
Yes, and you were accepted 100%.
It was unanimous.
Andy, it's gonna be wonderful
to have you one of us.
Uh, wh
well...
You didn't like him.
Well, it's just...
Andy, we-we kind of felt that he wouldn't fit in.
Well, I guess he's
a nice enough fella, Andy, and I'm sure
he's a very competent deputy...
Well, look, Andy
I got a lot of fellas workin' for me
and we don't belong to the same clubs.
Well, I guess you could have a fella workin' for ya
and not belong to the same clubs
but, uh, you see
with, uh, with Barney and me, it's-it's different.
Uh, he don't just work for me... We're pretty close friends.
Well, Andy, like I said
I'm sure he's a nice enough fella...
Yeah. Well, he was just pressin' too much last night.
He tried so hard to put his best foot forward
he tripped over it and fell down.
I'm not... I'm not makin' excuses for him
and y'all sure got a right to-to pick who you want
but, uh, well, uh, don't, uh, don't get me wrong
but, uh, I'm-I'm not sure that Barney or me, either one
would fit in at your, uh, club.
I mean, you got your interests and everything
and-and we've got ours, and...
Well, let's, uh, let's just leave it this way...
It was nice of you
to invite us to come up there and visit
and, well, we're obliged to you for that. I am.
It's great of you to take it this way.
I'm sorry you won't be joining us.
Well, now, listen, no hard feelings
and just because we won't belong to the same club
why, there's no reason
why we can't fish at the same fishin' hole.
I'm glad to hear that, Andy.
You come on back, now, anytime.
Thank you very much, and we'll be seein' you.
Okay. Have a good trip.
Thank you. Yeah.
That was them. That was rog's car.
We're so important,
they had to come here in person and tell us.
Boy, if this ain't the biggest day that ever happened...
Wh-what's the matter, Andy?
Why are you lookin' like that?
We're in, ain't we?
Well...no.
Fact is, they was about to accept one of us.
One of us?
Uh-huh.
You must be kiddin'.
I'd like to punch 'em all right in the nose.
There ain't no use to get upset.
They got a right to pick who they want.
Of all the nerve.
Of all the nerve!
Boy, this really steams me.
Take it easy.
Take it easy, nothin'.
What are they, a bunch of snobs or somethin'?
Now, Barney...
Imagine that. Imagine that...
Turnin' down a nice guy like you.
Huh?
Who do they think they are, anyway?
Well, they couldn't find
a nicer guy than you in the whole world
to be in their old club.
Well, I'll show 'em.
What are you doin'?
I'll tell ya what I'm doin'.
If you ain't good enough for 'em, neither am I.
I'm sendin' in my resignation.
Hey, Barney, guess what? What?
I just went fishing with another one of them club fellas,
and he wants us to join his club.
He does? Yeah.
I knew it.
I knew the minute the word got around
that we didn't go in the esquire club,
another outfit would want to snap us up.
What club is it? The tomahawks.
The tomahawks. Don't believe I ever heard of the...
Are you trying to pull my leg?
Shh! Here comes the president now.
Did you talk to him, paw?
Yep.
Does he want to join?
It'd be an honor, ope.
Raise your tomahawk in your right hand.
Face the rising sun.
And repeat after me.
As a tomahawk, I solemnly swear
to be fair and square at all times.
As a tomahawk, as a tomahawk,
I solemnly swear I solemnly swear
to be fair and square to be fair and square
at all times. At all times.